Co-authored by Alexandra Coyle and Emily Molloy, Gold Coast based Senior Associate and Law Clerk in Family Law at Robbins Watson Solicitors, this article dives into effective co-parenting strategies that create a positive environment for children post separation.
Divorce or separation can be a challenging time for families, especially when children are involved. Adjusting to new family dynamics post-separation requires both parents to focus on creating a supportive and stable environment for their children. By embracing a co-parenting approach that centres on effective communication, a solid parenting plan, and a child-focused approach, families can provide their children with a nurturing environment, even after separation.
In Australia, under the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) parents are to act in the best interest of their children, aiming to foster healthy relationships with each parent. This article explores key strategies for effective co-parenting, including developing a comprehensive parenting plan, maintaining respectful communication, and resolving conflicts with shared custody in mind.
1. Developing a Comprehensive Parenting Plan
A well-designed parenting plan is essential for successful co-parenting. This plan serves as a roadmap, outlining how you and your ex-partner will handle shared custody (formally known as care arrangements by the Family Court) and make important decisions regarding your child’s wellbeing.
Parenting plans, while not legally binding in Australia – unless made into a consent order – are recognised as a valuable framework by family law and can greatly reduce confusion, providing both parents and children with stability.
What to Include in a Parenting Plan
- Education, Healthcare, and Religion: Decide on guidelines for key areas like schooling, medical care, and religious practices. Specify whether decisions will be made jointly or by one parent and establish emergency procedures.
- Custody and Time Allocation: Define where your child will live and how time is divided between each parent. For shared custody arrangements, consider school schedules, holidays, and each parent’s availability and work schedules.
- Communication Guidelines: Decide on communication methods and frequency. Determine how you will share updates and information for the children – will it be through text, email, or phone calls? Agreeing on these communications will streamline exchanges and help avoid misunderstandings.
- Special Events and Holidays: Plan in advance for holidays, birthdays, school events, and vacations. Structuring special times allows both parents to create lasting memories with the child, minimising potential disputes.
- Conflict Resolution: Disagreements may still occur. Incorporate a strategy for conflict resolution within the parenting plan, whether through family counselling, mediation, or discussions with a neutral third party.
Tips for Effective Parenting Plans
- Be Flexible: While consistency is key, life is unpredictable. Adaptability in your parenting plan can help both parents respond to changing schedules or new developments in their child’s life.
- Child-Focused Decisions: Prioritise your child’s needs and preferences when drafting the plan. Avoid decisions based on personal grievances and instead focus on creating a nurturing environment for the child.
2. Maintaining Open and Positive Communication
Effective communication is at the heart of successful co-parenting. A clear, respectful communication strategy supports smoother shared custody arrangements, reduces misunderstandings, and sets a positive example for children as they witness their parents working together.
Establishing Boundaries
Clear boundaries can help manage expectations and create a sense of order post-separation. Some parents are comfortable with regular check-ins, while others may prefer minimal contact. Discuss various communication styles with the other parent to determine a style that works for the both of you, which is comfortable and respectful for both parties, whether that’s through email, text, or a co-parenting app.
Practice Active Listening
Good communication isn’t just about expressing yourself – it’s about listening as well. Active listening helps each parent understand the other’s perspective, enhancing cooperation. Try to keep discussions focused on your child’s needs, taking time to reflect on the other parent’s points.
Avoid Criticism and Blame
Avoiding blame is crucial in co-parenting. Instead of rehashing past disagreements, keep the conversation constructive. A problem-solving approach, where both parents work together to support their child, leads to more productive discussions.
Use Co-Parenting Apps for Better Organisation
Co-parenting apps like Family Wizard, 2houses and Appclose offer tools for scheduling, expense tracking, and document sharing. These apps are particularly useful for shared custody arrangements, as they keep all child-related information in one place, simplifying communication and helping parents stay organised.
3. Resolving Conflicts with a Child-Focused Approach
In co-parenting, disagreements are normal. How these conflicts are managed can significantly impact children as they may often feel caught in the middle. A child-focused approach to resolving disputes keeps the child’s best interests at the forefront, allowing for constructive outcomes even in challenging situations.
Prioritise Your Child’s Wellbeing
In family law, the child’s best interests are paramount. Emulating this in your co-parenting approach can help you make more compassionate, balanced decisions. Keeping your child’s safety, emotional, psychological and developmental needs at the centre of decision-making often leads to more constructive, mutually agreed solutions.
Separate Emotions from Actions
It’s natural for emotions like anger or sadness to arise post-separation but try to separate personal feelings from your co-parenting responsibilities. Staying focused on the task at hand, whether that is determining the schedule for shared custody, discussing school activities, or coordinating medical appointments, this helps to prevent emotions from clouding important decisions about the children.
Seek Professional Support When Necessary
If you and your ex-partner struggle to manage conflicts independently, consider seeking external help. Our office can assist you in conveying your proposal of shared custody to your ex-partner and formalising this proposal through a parenting plan.
Alternatively, if you and your partner cannot decide upon the custody arrangements for the children, we can assist you in mediation to determine the custody arrangements.
Once you have a parenting plan established, review the plan to ensure that it is working for your family dynamic. If the plan is working well, consider formalising the plan through Consent Orders with the Family Court. Our office can assist you with preparing the Consent Orders.
Establishing Consistency Across Both Homes
Consistency between households provides children with a sense of security. Agreeing on common rules and expectations – such as bedtimes, screen time, and discipline – can help your child adapt to shared custody with ease. While each parent may have their unique style, establishing consistency reduces confusion and supports a stable environment for the child.
4. Focusing on Emotional Wellbeing
Children may feel anxiety, sadness, or confusion in a post-separation environment. As a co-parent, taking an empathetic, open approach can help your child adjust positively to the new family dynamic.
Encourage Open Dialogue
While the Family Court is opposed to you and/or your co-parent talking directly with the children about adult matters, you can let your child know that they can express their feelings and reassure them it’s normal to experience a range of emotions.
Answer their questions as honestly as possible without involving them on the adult issues. Be mindful of the sensitivity of the subject matter and adjust explanations that are considerate of the children’s age and maturity level. For more complex emotional needs, don’t hesitate to consult a child psychologist – however, make sure you notify the other parent of your intentions to consult a child psychologist.
Reassure Your Child of Both Parents’ Love
Children often worry that they’re losing one parent’s love during a separation. Regularly remind your child that they’re loved by both parents and that the separation doesn’t change that. Demonstrating a positive co-parenting relationship also reassures them that they have the support of both parents.
Avoid Using Children as Messengers
Children should not be involved in adult matters such as determining custody arrangements. Keeping children out of adult matters helps them feel secure. Communicate directly with your ex-partner rather than asking your child to pass messages back and forth. Shielding children from co-parenting conflicts is essential for their emotional well-being.
5. Committing to Long-Term Co-Parenting Success
Successful co-parenting requires commitment and flexibility. It’s a long-term journey that involves ongoing adjustments, open communication, and dedication to a healthy shared custody arrangement.
Acknowledge Each Other’s Contributions
Recognising the other parent’s efforts can go a long way in building an amicable co-parenting relationship. Expressing gratitude – even for small gestures – sets a positive tone and models respect for your child.
Adjust as Necessary
Circumstances change, and your approach may need to evolve over time. Regularly assess how your parenting plan is working for your child and be open to updates as they grow or life circumstances shift.
Parenting plans are resourceful tools to establish a routine for the children post-separation. They offer flexibility as they can be amended as needed. While parenting plans offer routine they are not binding on the parties, meaning that one parent can deviate from the plan without consequences. We encourage parents to utilise parenting plans initially during separation to determine suitable arrangements. Once suitable arrangements have been determined, we encourage parents to formalise this parenting plan through Consent Orders with the Family Court to make the arrangements binding on the parents.
Stay Informed on Co-Parenting Resources
Australia offers a range of support resources for co-parents, from Family Relationship Centres to online co-parenting courses such as Parenting Orders Program (POP) and Triple P parenting program. Staying informed about these options provides additional support, helping you and your child navigate post-divorce life with resilience and positivity.
Conclusion
While separation is a major life change, successful co-parenting can create a loving, stable environment for children, helping them thrive in a post-separation family structure. By prioritising a child-focused approach, investing in open communication, and committing to an effective parenting plan, co-parents can build a nurturing environment that supports their child’s happiness and development. With these strategies, you can work together to give your child the security and love they need to flourish in the years to come.
Our family law team are experienced in parenting matters and have extensive experience in this area, for assistance contact Alexandra Coyle by clicking here to discuss your situation. Alternatively, you can click here to get started independently on detailing your parenting arrangements.
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